It’s been a month (well, over a month) since I last posted. After April, I had to step back and just find some space to breathe. May was rough, but for a variety of reasons not necessarily connected to Little Bear.
He’s doing well. I hesitate to even write that out, but I think I’m just going to go for it. His head is holding steady. I check it multiple times a day, constantly feeling his soft spot, checking his eyes, looking for signs of returning pressure. All of the scabs have just about fallen off his head incision and his awful cradle cap is almost gone.
Little Bear is a squishy 16 pounds now at 4 1/2 months old. He’s working on holding his head steady when he’s upright, and is pushing himself up more when he’s on his stomach. I found him on his back yesterday! Little Bear had rolled over from his stomach to his back. He looked just as surprised as I was to find himself on his back. He’s working on two bottom teeth, but I’m not expecting those to pop through for another week or two. They’re close, but not pushing through just yet!
We saw Urology for the first time two days ago and they cleared Little Bear of needing to be cathed. There is no reflux in his kidneys, and any urine that collects in his bladder he pees out immediately. That could be an issue when Little Bear is old enough to potty train, but we will deal with that when we cross that bridge! It’s a relief to be done with Urology for the time being. We’re done with Pulmonary, FINALLY got the order to discontinue oxygen even though Little Bear hasn’t been on oxygen now for almost two months. And we’re done with ENT until at least the end of the year. Little Bear’s reflux meds are an absolute pain in the rear end to get, but at least I have a game plan with that now. As long as Little Bear’s reflux doesn’t get worse and we can keep him at the dosage he’s on right now until he’s 10 months old, then we should be able to actively wean him off the meds.
My postpartum depression/anxiety hit a massive low towards the end of May. It certainly didn’t help that my brain decided then to release some blocked memories from about 22 years ago. That meant frantic calls to therapist and midwife asking for help. I’m grateful that Little Bear is doing so well. That means I’ve had the “freedom” to take care of myself without having to focus on him so much and worry about him. A minor adjustment to my zoloft helped and I’m in an okay place right now. Still processing a shit ton of stuff, but at least I feel okay.
I’m afraid I don’t have much more of an update than this. Right now the focus has been simply surviving and trying to take care of myself. Thanks for understanding.