This New Year is bringing a lot of feels with it this year. We’re down to less than 60 days before little bear gets here, and the reality of that is starting to sink in! At my last ultrasound appointment last month, they told me that while they didn’t think things would change too drastically with little bear’s hydrocephalus, but to be prepared as the next 6 weeks is when things could change really quickly. Little bear is still stable, but that could start changing as of next week at my next growth ultrasound.
I’m starting to work on my hospital bag and at the very least have my list of what needs to go in it sitting next to the bag ready to go whenever it’s time. We just spent a week in Texas with family for Christmas, and I made an interesting observation. The higher altitude here in Colorado really does play a significant roll in how many and how strong my braxton hicks contractions are. I didn’t have very many while we were down in Texas, but as soon as we got back home on Friday, the intensity and frequency of my contractions picked up a lot. I’m still a little worried about not being able to make it to the end of February, but we’ll see!
Emotionally I feel like the roller coaster is starting to pick up speed and we’re now on the last few turns. I tend to live day to day all while keeping an eye on the horizon for the next “big” event we have coming. Now that everything is past except for little bear’s arrival, that’s the next big thing, and boy is it big! It’s like seeing those storm clouds coming, knowing they’re going to end up right on top of you, and you feel a mixture of awe and almost fear knowing you can’t escape them. I am feeling about as prepared as I can feel for what’s to come. We have such a strong support group around us and I know we’re only going to make it out of the storm that’s coming because of their support.
I’m not sure how much more I’ll be posting between now and the end of February, but I will definitely post about anything of great interest or a significant update should one come!
Hang in there, the big stuff is still yet to come.
A few years ago a friend of mine introduced me to the idea of picking a word for the year. This is to signify what you will be focusing on in the coming year, but also to be built upon as the year progresses. I have always felt like a single word was not enough, but lately over the past three years, the words I have chosen were enough. So when thinking about the coming year, a single phrase has been running constantly through my mind; “A Measure Of____(fill in the blank).” I think in 2017 my strength is going to be measured, I am going to be stretched thin, I will find the measure of hope, love, strength that we will need for everything that will come with Little Bear. To me “Measure” means that I will come face to face with how strong I really am, how fearful I am, and much more I need to dig in and rely on the people around me.
I came up with the phrase “A Measure Of” when thinking about little bear. With Little Monkey, I have two specific hashtags I use on all of the pictures I post via Instagram. So with little bear, I wanted the same thing. The first hashtag is easy, as that’s his name with the addition of 365 added to it. The second is a little more difficult as it’s more personal to my sons. Little Monkey’s second hashtag is “#daysof[littlemonkey].” So for little bear, I came upon “#ameasureof[littlebear].” It fits because we’re going to see his measure once he’s born. He’s going to show us just how strong he is and how much of a fighter he is. This phrase really resonates with me because while I know 2017 is going to be hard, I am excited about seeing where we’re going to grow as a family. I am excited about seeing just how strong we all are, and I am excited about when we can bring little bear home. There is a certain amount of sadness just with all of the changes coming and especially when I look upon Little Monkey and know my days with him as an only child are truly numbered. 83 days (give or take a few days) to be exact. We’ll come to know the measure of Little Monkey too as he adjusts to his new sibling.
There are a lot more things I am having trouble putting words to that rest beneath “A Measure Of” but I know it’s the right word for this coming year. There is something unique and wordless attached to the picking of your word of the year. I used to poo-poo the concept, but now that I have done it for several years, I understand how having a word to cling to, to view the year through, helps. It helps give you strength for the year, it gives lens through which to process the happenings of the year. So as we face this difficult journey, I am grateful I have a foundation to start building experiences on.
Do you have a word for the year? What is it? And what are your reasons?